The Semantic Fraud of the 21st Century Workspace
I am leaning against a sticky granite countertop, swirling a gin and tonic that tastes mostly like flat tonic and regret, when the person to my left leans in. The music is loud enough to vibrate the ice cubes in my glass, but not loud enough to drown out the inevitable opening gambit of the professional class. ‘So,’ they shout over a remix of a song I didn’t like in 2001, ‘what do you do?’ I feel that familiar, sharp twitch in my upper back-the one Grace M., a body language coach I met at a seminar years ago, would describe as a ‘defensive micro-shrug.’
I tell them I am a Digital Prophet. Their eyes widen. They look impressed, perhaps even a little intimidated, and they spend the next 41 seconds nodding as if they’ve just met a secular saint. I spend the rest of the night nursing my drink and praying to a god I don’t believe in that they don’t ask what a Digital Prophet actually does. Because the truth is, I’m not entirely sure myself, and my daily routine consists primarily of formatting spreadsheets and deleting 511 unread emails from recruiters who think I’m a wizard.
The title is the mask we wear to hide the fact that we are all just clicking buttons until we die.
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The Language of Obscuration
There is a specific kind of vertigo that comes with having a job title that sounds like